August 2014

All of us we hold resentment inside us, admit it, we have that tiny box in our system waiting for the right time to explode for vengeance. We often find power in hatred. And forgiveness, somehow, is traveling too far away it is impossible to tap.

Being the second child (and having the second child syndrome), I never did my best when I was in elementary. Why? Because in whatever I do, my elder sister will always be the best and I will always be the second one. In school, girls used to bully me because I’m not girly just like them. I graduated with no girl friends, just boys and young gays. In high school, girls roll their eyes on me - same situation, no girl friends, just boys. Here we go, College, my hair grew long, I knew how to use lip balm, almost a butterfly, but not quite, I had girl friends finally! Not just that, I had a serious and sad relationship. It ended on my last semester. Not a happy ending though. Let’s move forward! Okay hello, corporate life! Here goes the metaphor, “The real world”, meaning embrace yourself it’s going to be a roller coaster ride. Well, yes it is! You know when they say, “You can’t please everyone”. Surprise! YES YOU CAN’T. Some will pull you down, some will help you up and some doesn’t care at all.

Reiterating all of these scenarios in my life made me shiver. These people who offended me, I have a clear memory of their faces in my head, high definition scenes that I can recall whenever I want and names that are thunder-like whenever I hear.

Last year, I started practicing Yoga. I made several researches on how to improve home practice and self awareness. I’ve tried different techniques on meditation. I’ve read somewhere (sorry I can’t remember) that whenever you practice, you offer it to someone, something, or anything that you feel your heart desires or burdens you. Every practice before I start, I close my eyes while doing upward salute (Urdhva Hastasana) and think of my intentions. At first, it was the usual, family, work, relationship, God, friends and all. Bit by bit, I was able to let go and offer my practice to what burdens me; my childhood, my lapses as a daughter, my frustrations, my offenders, my weaknesses and my issues.

Yoga helped a lot in my way of thinking. First, LOVE AND RESPECT YOUR BODY, when you love yourself and what you are, you can easily accept the criticisms and judgment from other people. You will never ask for validation because you know your worth and abilities. Start from there and free your heart. Forgiving is not forgetting, you can’t forget what was done but you can move on. Learn from that terrible and painful experience.

If we forgive, we heal. Carry your scars, be proud and let it reflect how strong you are.