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My Grandparent's prenup picture

I'm actually kinda feeling not okay today. I guess dealing with self issues were really not my forte. I'm so inlove with myself I can't embrace the fact that I'm changing to someone I'm not used to physically and emotionally.

Do you like what you see when you look in the mirror?

One of things that I want to share with my friends is my playlist but I always find myself so random talking about different song titles that are foreign to their ears. So I thought maybe I'll just make a mixtape and have them download it on my blog or elsewhere. Don't get excited, I'm still learning and for the meantime, I'll just share my weekend line up. He he.

1.   Carried Away by Passion Pit
2.   Echo by Foxes
3.   I Wouldn't Mind by He Is We
4.   Jona Vark by Gypsy The Cat
5.   Leave The Lights On by Meiko
6.   Say Hello by Rosie Thomas
7.   Same Changes by The Weepies
8.   Medicine by Daughter
9.   Pompeii by Bastille
10. Demons by Imagine Dragons
11. Wild Child by Wekeed
12. I'd Rather Dance With You by King Of Convenience

My 2012 was far away to comparison from my past years of existence. Everyday was a challenge, people kept on throwing stones, some pull you down, and all you have left is yourself.

Last year, I was able to find "ME" in different ways, I indulged my sadness with Music, I fell in love with bands I never heard before. I was amazed by the tunes that I thought was weird and non sense. Music, yes, held me up when all things were going down.

For the love of it, for the free spirited people, for the mountains that re-vibrates with the sound waves, for the artists that work their ass off, for the ones who were misunderstood, for the unlovable, and for the God's: Cheers to the music, Cheers to the soul, Cheers to the spirit.

All of us want something; A job that can sustain our needs, a house where we can have our own walk in closet, a car that we can drive to the nearest beach to chill out, a partner that we can lean on in good and bad times, a phone that can take extra ordinary photos, a pile of money so we can travel around the globe, a group of real friends to hang out with on a stressful day, a lifetime membership on the coolest cafe in town, and etc etc.

But with these cravings - we're missing half of our lives, we keep on chasing the wrong things instead of finding the right ones.

I've been living my life within my means. I don't have a credit card as well as debts. Not a big fan of looking forward on paying bills every month. I'm even using a prepaid number, fuck yeah I'm a traditional woman. My income is just right for my wants and needs. But honestly speaking, there are days that it is not enough. And that is because I am investing on the wrong things.

Buying shoes from left and right, grabbing dresses on sale, eating on luxurious restaurants, watching movies on the cinema every week, sipping coffee on a cafe everyday, spending bucks on face creams, and etc etc.

But what do I get from all of these? Are these things going to help me in the long run? NO. BIG HELL NO. NOT AT ALL.

We all want these things because we believe that it will help us to feel happy, it will help us have that confidence that we lack off. But we're foolish of what really is the meaning of all of these. We're blinded on the physical attraction and the peer pressure that we're getting from our surroundings. These things are blocking us off on the right track that we're supposed to be.

Happiness is something that we feel permanently. It is a choice, a choice that we should feel from within. It is free, it is rational, it is love, it is passion. We can be happy by just seeing a cute baby picture, by appreciating how the clouds are beautifully arranged, by just hugging a friend that we took for granted for so long, by just staring at random people smiling on a busy street,  by just accepting someone as who they are, by saying thank you on every good deed that we receive, by saying a prayer in all hard times, by being grateful on how lucky we are because we have a house to live, and by waking up alive every morning. Isn't great? We don't need to be hard on ourselves, we have to let go of our material wants to be able to have genuine happiness. If things doesn't come our way, be patient, wait, because for sure it will come maybe not now, but it will, maybe not exactly, but better, maybe never, but something else that is great.

I'm alone at home for a week. Eating peanut butter straight from the bottle and a banana on my other hand. Watching scientific docus, hearing terrible news, walking in bare feet around the backyard, having a fight with the shower - this is the life I imagined. This is the life that I deserve, perhaps once in a while.


This is my face on my first day at work. Ugh. Can you see it? I don't wanna go back - I kid, Not, No, Whatevs

Because I'm overwhelmed with all the blessings that I received the past 365 days, I'm drowning in happiness and I can't compose. And I'm starting to think, that writing is sad, words are for lonely beings, meanings are for those who are alone


And I believe that I'm not of them, atleast not anymore.